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2 degree of separation person at risk

namedpipes

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I'm aware of someone, a young (20 something) girl with an abusive ex boyfriend that is stalking her. He's broken into her house, planted cameras inside, was (or is) tracker her phone and stakes out her workplace. He's physically assaulted her, despite a restraining order that supposed to make her invulnerable to any attack by him (yeah, I know).

She has a child and her mother lives in the area. Works in a blue collar field and no particular ties to the area other than family and familiarity.

My advice was to buy a one way bus ticket to someplace at least a thousand miles away and build a life there. IMO if she doesn't, she'll be the plot to a Lifetime Movie of the Week by sometime next year.

Does anyone out there have suggestions for other approaches (she does not want to leave the area) or resources that could provide her with some assistance beyond a "restraining order". It's my opinion she isn't "strong" enough physically/mentally to effectively defend herself, even with a weapon.

No, I'm not looking for recommendations on hit men. Serious suggestions, please, or none.
 
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I think the obvious would be to go where theres secure employment in her feild. That is if shes willing to relocate. Depending on the psyco level of her ex, its not that hard to track someone down. Meaning if hes that batshit crazy, he could locate her pretty easy, or hopefully he takes that as a pretrty big hint and moves along with his life.

For staying in the area, couldnt he be charged with harrasment or something and just keep on him until the charges ramp up enough to put him in the clink for a bit if he doesnt get the message?

Best of luck to her in whatever she chooses.
 

BUMPA01603

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There are shelters she could go to? But, if he knows where she works and her daily schedule and follows her around she is still vulnerable. When he violates the protective order she needs to call LE immediately! With that said.... a guy with two broken legs can't stalk anyone...
 

Matt_SERE

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Is this
… because she broke up with him?
… she is dating some one new?
… is ignoring him?

Moving because of "dude" may not get rid of him. Where ever she goes for a fresh start there will also be less people that know him. It is a double edge sword.

I hope she finds someone who cares as much as you do, that is closer, and can help her out. [thumbsup]
 
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Mace. Change phones. Mace. Work with law enforcement on a continual basis to get the guy put away for as long as possible. Document everything. Get a pit bull lawyer. Mace.
I have a friend that changed phones, took all the contacts she wanted with her, then managed to split those between 3 google voice numbers.

When her ex started harassing her phone she deleted her google voice numbers, reshuffled the friends, and assigned everybody new numbers. Eventually she found the people enabling her ex and cut them out of her life too.

You can run and hide pretty effectively if you just make a plan not to go back to your old life, and I say that as someone who's been stalked in the past.
 

allen-1

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I'm aware of someone, a young (20 something) girl with an abusive ex boyfriend that is stalking her. He's broken into her house, planted cameras inside, was (or is) tracker her phone and stakes out her workplace. He's physically assaulted her, despite a restraining order that supposed to make her invulnerable to any attack by him (yeah, I know).

She has a child and her mother lives in the area. Works in a blue collar field and no particular ties to the area other than family and familiarity.

My advice was to buy a one way bus ticket to someplace at least a thousand miles away and build a life there. IMO if she doesn't, she'll be the plot to a Lifetime Movie of the Week by sometime next year.

Does anyone out there have suggestions for other approaches (she does not want to leave the area) or resources that could provide her with some assistance beyond a "restraining order". It's my opinion she isn't "strong" enough physically/mentally to effectively defend herself, even with a weapon.

No, I'm not looking for recommendations on hit men. Serious suggestions, please, or none.

You already gave her the right answer. Leave and set up a new life. Otherwise she's going to make the obituaries, after hospital visits.
 
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tell her to get a security system in her home that has video.

is she broken up with him? Lots off times they maintain relationships.

If not then video evidence of him breaking into her house should get him locked up for a few months.

At the very least the video will provide law enforcement with evidence of her potential untimely demise and provide a suspect.

Do not do anything to the guy. She would throw you under the bus in defense of him in a heartbeat.
 

namedpipes

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Allen-1 I think that's the right answer.

PaulR, if she stays, I fear that's the best she can do.


Beyond what I've said already, she has reported at least some of the contacts to the police, but the stock answer is, if they don't see him in the act there's nothing they can do. And if they do see him in the act, they'll only be able to to tell him "you can't be here, move along".

209A's do NOT protect women. (Yes, I believe that's the order she has)

I'll convey the opinions on moving away and getting mace (or stun guns are supposedly legal here too, now...)
 

namedpipes

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Is this
… because she broke up with him?
… she is dating some one new?
… is ignoring him?

Moving because of "dude" may not get rid of him. Where ever she goes for a fresh start there will also be less people that know him. It is a double edge sword.

I hope she finds someone who cares as much as you do, that is closer, and can help her out. [thumbsup]

She's moved "locally" several times. If she moves half the country away and he still follows her, that's pretty much it...

I don't know her directly and don't particularly want to go outlaw over this. Family is another matter...
 

Lip

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I'm aware of someone, a young (20 something) girl with an abusive ex boyfriend that is stalking her. He's broken into her house, planted cameras inside, was (or is) tracker her phone and stakes out her workplace. He's physically assaulted her, despite a restraining order that supposed to make her invulnerable to any attack by him (yeah, I know).

She has a child and her mother lives in the area. Works in a blue collar field and no particular ties to the area other than family and familiarity.

My advice was to buy a one way bus ticket to someplace at least a thousand miles away and build a life there. IMO if she doesn't, she'll be the plot to a Lifetime Movie of the Week by sometime next year.

Does anyone out there have suggestions for other approaches (she does not want to leave the area) or resources that could provide her with some assistance beyond a "restraining order". It's my opinion she isn't "strong" enough physically/mentally to effectively defend herself, even with a weapon.

No, I'm not looking for recommendations on hit men. Serious suggestions, please, or none.
Had the same problem occur with my friends daughter. 8 of us paid a social call on her ex. We nicely explained our current and future displeasure with him. Problem solved.
 

Christian

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Talk sh*t about Big Sexy, get what you deserve.
I used to know a few guys that would, for a price, happily ensure that the ex would spend the rest of his days in a bed eating through a tube in his nose and pissing and sh*ting into a bag hanging off the side of him. I suspect neither of them are with us any longer, it's been awhile, but I'd feel safe in speculating there are still folks out there still doing that type of "work".
 

MadatMarek

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I think there are services available that create distance for women being stalked. It is too easy to track someone. If she moves no mail forwarding no sharing of destination. Mail and packaging to a blind address and forwarded by family member, but I believe services offered help create the separation she probably needs. Be ever vigilant, and avoid complacency. Involve law enforcement, women’s groups and document everything.
 

allen-1

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Get a couple security cameras that will show proof to the police that he is indeed violating the restraining order.

Sorry Greg, but that means nothing. They'll arrest him (maybe). And if arrested he'll bond out and be pissed that he was arrested. Look at Pipe's original post. Taking it as factual, this guy's already hurt her, broken into her place and planted cameras there, staked out her work place and stalked her.

You either seriously show this person the error of their ways, (which several people have suggested) - but which also seems by Pipe's posting to be beyond her capabilities - or you move out of their reach.

I raised a daughter, and I kept her safe. This isn't Pipe's daughter to keep safe, and she doesn't seem to have anyone to help her. The police aren't going to do it. They're going to pick up the pieces afterwards.

Women's shelter might help, might help her get away, might offer some suggestions, some local support systems.
 

Greg

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Sorry Greg, but that means nothing. They'll arrest him (maybe). ....

I thought they threw 209 violators in jail..The whole point of retraining orders was so the wife doesn't get almost beat to death after repeated calls to the cops,can't remember the exact case this law was based on..

So what's the point of a 209 when the perp does not get tossed in jail ?
 

namedpipes

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I thought they threw 209 violators in jail..The whole point of retraining orders was so the wife doesn't get almost beat to death after repeated calls to the cops,can't remember the exact case this law was based on..

So what's the point of a 209 when the perp does not get tossed in jail ?

It's my understanding she already called the police. They were profoundly unhelpful. They told her there is nothing they can do if they don't SEE him violate.

Also keep in mind this is second hand information. Based on what I know of the situation, what I've posted is accurate, with some details obscured just in case the ex is one of you mugs.

Restraining orders are good for an add on charge if the person kills the girl. That's about it...
 

jhblaze1

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to the extent no one else has said it, and she hasn't already, everytime the guy violates the RO, she needs to report it. Not that MA will do anything, but a paper trail is an absolute must.
 

Cowgirlup

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"It's my opinion she isn't "strong" enough physically/mentally to effectively defend herself, even with a weapon."

She needs to get her head in the game if not for herself for her kid. At 20 there may be some part of her that sees his unwanted attention as devotion instead of danger. Someone needs to make clear to her what is actually happening. She needs to learn how to defend herself. Get a dog. Alert any neighbors so they can also call the cops. She should also contact a local womens shelter for other resources that might be available.

Leaving the state might help but might not.

I worked a retail job for a large company when I was going back to school. One day a new girl in her early 20's showed up when we really didn't need any help. Her manager at a store in FL was worried when she kept not showing up for work. Went to her apartment and found her badly beaten. The manager found out she had a relative in NH. Bought her and her 2 kids plane tickets, got her a job at our store and shipped her up here. it was OK for a few months. Then he figured out where she was and started calling the store and going bat shit crazy on anyone who wouldn't let her talk to him.
We were all just waiting for him to show up at some point.

He got in her head. Promised he'd change...again. She eventually went back. She and I had a long talk and I knew that deep down she knew he wouldn't change. The rationalization process she went through was just crazy to me. I asked what his family life was like and his mom was abused by the dad and had also told her to run. I was bummed for weeks that she went back and took her young girls with her.
 

Len-2A Training

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Allen-1 I think that's the right answer.

PaulR, if she stays, I fear that's the best she can do.


Beyond what I've said already, she has reported at least some of the contacts to the police, but the stock answer is, if they don't see him in the act there's nothing they can do. And if they do see him in the act, they'll only be able to to tell him "you can't be here, move along".

209A's do NOT protect women. (Yes, I believe that's the order she has)

I'll convey the opinions on moving away and getting mace (or stun guns are supposedly legal here too, now...)

I agree that a 209A won't protect a woman. Be aware that possession of a stun gun requires a LTC in MA and from what you posted it sounds unlikely that she'd go for one, besides which by the time she gets it in her hand she'll either be dead or in a hospital. Also the ones easily purchased out of state are contact weapons . . . she needs distance or she'll be hurt/killed. OC/Mace is a good thing for her to have IFF she's willing to use it . . . also sounds unlikely.

I thought they threw 209 violators in jail..The whole point of retraining orders was so the wife doesn't get almost beat to death after repeated calls to the cops,can't remember the exact case this law was based on..

So what's the point of a 209 when the perp does not get tossed in jail ?

In my town they will arrest on a say-so against a 209A. So it all depends on the attitude of the PD, which clearly here seems be that they don't want to deal with the paperwork. However, the judges spring them free readily so that the revolving door continues to go round.
 

Lip

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I thought they threw 209 violators in jail..The whole point of retraining orders was so the wife doesn't get almost beat to death after repeated calls to the cops,can't remember the exact case this law was based on..

So what's the point of a 209 when the perp does not get tossed in jail ?
You mean like enforcing existing gun laws?
 

180 GRAIN FMJ

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209A violations are supposed to result in an insta-arrest with charges filed. The victims testimony is used as evidence and the judge either believes it or throws it out.

But like all things in MA, some people are more equal than others and the laws are applied accordingly.
 
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