That right there is f'ing smart. She figured it out and did the right thing.
This girl needs to make a decision. If she's willing to be beaten, she's already made it. It reads colder than I intend, but it's the truth.
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2 degree of separation person at risk
- Thread starter namedpipes
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That right there is f'ing smart. She figured it out and did the right thing.
This girl needs to make a decision. If she's willing to be beaten, she's already made it. It reads colder than I intend, but it's the truth.
It sounds like more of a problem with the PD not enforcing .
I know of several guys who got in deep crap on totally baseless accusations of violating an order just on the word of a crazy assed ex.
One got the living shit beat out of him by two of the north shore's finest right in front of his kid's (He had custody) as soon as he opened his door because she was drugged up and made a phone call saying he was just there and threatened to kill her. (He hadn't left the house all day.)
It sounds like she needs to have a meeting with the Chief and bring an advocate.
She can contact the local woman's shelter and they may recommend one for her.
Some of them are bulldogs if they think the local LE are slacking on protective orders.
One thing no Chief wants is to see on the news that something bad happened because they dropped the ball.
It's not a carrier enhancer.
I know of several guys who got in deep crap on totally baseless accusations of violating an order just on the word of a crazy assed ex.
One got the living shit beat out of him by two of the north shore's finest right in front of his kid's (He had custody) as soon as he opened his door because she was drugged up and made a phone call saying he was just there and threatened to kill her. (He hadn't left the house all day.)
It sounds like she needs to have a meeting with the Chief and bring an advocate.
She can contact the local woman's shelter and they may recommend one for her.
Some of them are bulldogs if they think the local LE are slacking on protective orders.
One thing no Chief wants is to see on the news that something bad happened because they dropped the ball.
It's not a carrier enhancer.
namedpipes
NES Member
Someone recommended a group that should at least be able to provide her with some good advice, but as some have said, ultimately she has to decide for herself to be a survivor. (Voices Against Violence)
Hopefully, it's enough.
Hopefully, it's enough.
VTski4x4
NES Member
Isn't there a Miranda Lambert song about this: I'm going home gonna load my shotgun, wait by the door and light a cigarette....
If that doesn't work, find the closest biker bar (real 1%ers) and make friends. They don't take kindly to punks hitting women.
If that doesn't work, find the closest biker bar (real 1%ers) and make friends. They don't take kindly to punks hitting women.
She needs a LAWYER to call the police...someone who understands how the system works, and what levers to push to make this guys life difficult. for instance, have the police confiscated all of this guy's firearms....since he has a restraining order out on him?
It is pretty frustrating - maddening, actually - to see a husband arrested for hitting his wife, and the one who shows up to bail him out is his wife. Who announces she will not press charges (except two cops saw him hit her).
Had an old GF go through above. She eventually divorced him, not so much because he hit her but because he started cheating on her. Crazy world.
A family friend volunteers with these folks. Sounds like a helpful place to start.
HAWC 24-Hour Hotline
Anyone seeking information, support, shelter, or legal services can call HAWC. However, if you are in immediate danger, call 911. To understand if what you’re experiencing is abuse, share your story, schedule an in-person appointment, or start making a safety plan, call and connect with a trained volunteer or staff member today.
1-800-547-1649
We know that reaching out for help can feel overwhelming. To help ease your anxiety and hesitation about calling HAWC, here are a few things you can expect during and after your initial call.
HAWC Locations
HAWC 24-Hour Hotline
Anyone seeking information, support, shelter, or legal services can call HAWC. However, if you are in immediate danger, call 911. To understand if what you’re experiencing is abuse, share your story, schedule an in-person appointment, or start making a safety plan, call and connect with a trained volunteer or staff member today.
1-800-547-1649
We know that reaching out for help can feel overwhelming. To help ease your anxiety and hesitation about calling HAWC, here are a few things you can expect during and after your initial call.
HAWC Locations
- Salem, MA 978-744-8552
- Gloucester, MA 978-283-8642
- Lynn, MA 781-592-9900
- North Shore Medical Center 978-354-4383
- For 24-hour support, call our hotline at: 1-800-547-1649
Lol my mom used to have an older next door neighbor that was a ranking member of an old Italian neighborhood association
He knew mom was going through a particularly nasty divorce, and gave her a business card "in case she needed help with anything"
She showed it to me, it simply said "Problem Solving" with a phone number at the bottom. I couldn't get her to call it though.
Last I knew he was back in jail again.
As someone who has been stalked in the past I will say that the #1 thing she needs right now is to get her head on straight. Easier said than done. She and her child are in a life or death situation and either she does not truly realize it or does not know how to / believe she can proceed to help herself. Getting in touch with an organization such as the one mentioned above would be the best way to start. They will help her organize her thoughts, start to think more clearly about her situation, and advise on options available to her. In my experience, once that first step is taken, the rest seems more accessible.
Whiskeywon
NES Member
FIFY Only because somebody who has clearly violated so many chances does not deserve mace as a chance more than once. Obviously should be a last resort still, which is why I left one mace in there. Gotta have that escalation of force option for PRM.
Rockrivr1
NES Member
As someone mentioned above, a good dog at the house will deter any addition B&Es in the house and give warning when they are at home. A good beat down from a dog as he attempts another break in will deter that from happening again. Doesn't help outside the home, but at least she can sleep at night.
If he's a violent psycho a dog isn't going to deter him, it's just an obstacle to eliminate. The common misconception that any dog will protect works as deterrent for most people but the vast majority of dogs won't protect, even the ones bred for it. Any dog even a trained protection dog is easily defeated for anyone with a little know how and some motivation. Also the kind of dog that would attack isn't easy to handle or live with even for people that know what they're doing and aren't under the stress of a situation like this.
Dip Dungles
NES Member
Who says violence doesn't solve your problems? As said before, she needs to find a man or men that are willing to have a physical conversation with this deuchebag to show him how much of a pussy he really is.
Under these types of circumstances I could see police look the other way as the guy cries for his mommy.
Under these types of circumstances I could see police look the other way as the guy cries for his mommy.
I think this is excellent advice.
Question about using mace: Since he's not a stranger that could be deterred from a one-time attack, wouldn't mace just enrage this guy and motivate him to come back with a vengeance once the effects of the mace have cleared? Perhaps it's still better to stop an attack then to worry about the aftermath.
namedpipes
NES Member
The girl is now in communication with Voices Against Violence. I hope she gets and follows good advice there.
Thanks everyone, for all your (also good) advice / suggestions.
Thanks everyone, for all your (also good) advice / suggestions.
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Unless it was a family member, I would stay away. You really do not know the whole story unless you live with her. About 30 years ago a trucker from Texas pulled into a Manhattan terminal and waited as his trailer was unloaded. He heard a woman scream and watched as a muscular black man tried to force a slim white woman into his car. Tex grabbed his gun and confronted the black man and ordered him at gunpoint to release the girl. Turns out that the black man was plainclothes NYPD and the damsel in distress was wanted for drug dealing and prostitution. Tex was busted on assault and felony gun possession charges and his rig was towed while he was sent to Rikers Island. He left a wife and kids in Texas. Ask him if it was worth getting involved in other people's problems.
namedpipes
NES Member
Do you suppose that might be why I asked for suggestions OTHER than hiring a hit man?
I get what you're saying and that factors in the reasons that I'm not physically involved.
But what kind of a**h*** would be I be if stood by with not so much as a a helpful phone number while she faces this entirely alone? She's a friend of a friend. I'm not going to whack someone for her but I'll damned sure point her toward resources that might be able to help her in less physical ways.
Plenty of people in this world think I AM an a-hole (and there's some merit to that viewpoint) but not having empathy for someone needing help is not among their reasons.
This is the correct answer.
This is a load of BS. I've seen plenty of people hauled into court in handcuffs because someone said he violated a RO.
If the police won't do anything, go to the court and file a private application for criminal complaint. Include in the application that you've gone to the police and they refused to file the complaint.
As Asaltweapon said, do this EVERY time it happens.
KBCraig
NES Member
It's Mass, right? The point of the 209 is to seize guns from the innocent based on false accusations, and to hold felony charges over their heads as leverage in divorce or child support cases.
In cases of a psycho ex-bf who isn't the baby daddy, it's as useless as the paper it's printed on.
TayNinh_66
NES Member
You can bypass PD and file a motion for contempt for ongoing violations of 209. Key is extensive credible documentation. Names, places, times, events, etc. Copy of police log showing B&E was investigated at her address; Photographs and actual physical camera found at her location; Date stamped photos of him near place of work; copy of incoming phone records; Verbal accusations might be dismissed by judge. Judge will eventually lose patience and send ex to free 30 day vacation at county facility if evidence is solid.
Pipes, just about all of my suggestions that would be on the proper and civilized side of the spectrum have already been mentioned. Should those fail, there's Bikers Against Child Abuse (not sure if her specific situation would qualify, but from the members I know, they could make further introductions in that world). I might have further insights, but this isn't the forum for discussing those.
namedpipes
NES Member
The gentleman in question appears to have been arrested on something unrelated. Hopefully they hold onto him.
@MMArtist, we can't just go around bashing people on the noggin. While I have high confidence that this girl is on the level and is a victim in this, it isn't impossible to believe that she could be a psycho manipulating the system to persecute a fine young lad. No, I don't believe that based on what I do know (some of which hasn't been said here), but I don't have either standing or "absolute" knowledge to step in and do that. SHE and her family / SigOth have that standing.
@MMArtist, we can't just go around bashing people on the noggin. While I have high confidence that this girl is on the level and is a victim in this, it isn't impossible to believe that she could be a psycho manipulating the system to persecute a fine young lad. No, I don't believe that based on what I do know (some of which hasn't been said here), but I don't have either standing or "absolute" knowledge to step in and do that. SHE and her family / SigOth have that standing.
dhuze
NES Member
I know someone going through this exact thing. I'm not going into details, but nothing seems to be stopping this POS. She has changed numbers, but he finds them out. She blocks him and he gets new numbers online and calls and texts. He gets other people to call. He sends gifts to her kids for Holidays so she looks like the bad person when she takes them and sends them back.
If he's breaking into her place she might consider an alarm system. Simpli Safe is cheap and can be moved when/if she does just by taking the fixtures off with the removable tape. At least she'll know if he has entered her home and the police will go if the alarm gets triggered.
I still say these people need to be introduced to a baseball bat.
If he's breaking into her place she might consider an alarm system. Simpli Safe is cheap and can be moved when/if she does just by taking the fixtures off with the removable tape. At least she'll know if he has entered her home and the police will go if the alarm gets triggered.
I still say these people need to be introduced to a baseball bat.
That's why we have family.
3AM blanket parties are an outstanding method for getting some people to see the error of their ways when reason doesn't work.
I think the most important questions are, "Does she recognize that he is a threat?" and if yes, "Does she want / is she willing to do something about it"?
If not, all the help and suggestions you give her are meaningless. Some people are aware of risks yet continue their risky behavior, even though they may constantly complain about it.
If she recognizes that he is a threat AND she is willing to do something about it... there are some great suggestions in this thread. Otherwise, trying to help is a waste of time.
If not, all the help and suggestions you give her are meaningless. Some people are aware of risks yet continue their risky behavior, even though they may constantly complain about it.
If she recognizes that he is a threat AND she is willing to do something about it... there are some great suggestions in this thread. Otherwise, trying to help is a waste of time.
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