Dumb-asses in the Military

[Skysoldier]

I was drinking with some other old Vets today, and we got on the subject of some of the stupid things we saw people do in the Army, and even the stupid things we did.

He showed me his ear and it was all burn and scarred. He and some other guy's were having a mini war between towers on the Firebase, and shooting Pen Flares back
and forth........one of them went right into his ear!

And I showed him a small hole in my arm from a shrapnel from a blasting cap, because I though they were harmless....like a firecracker.....

But the dumbest thing I ever did was write a letter to the Post Commander, complaining about the mess hall food. I spent the next three months doing not only my regular job,
but also being assigned as a "Troop Liason" to the Mess Hall. I had to report every morning before breafast, and evening after dinner to the Mess Seargeant, as he lambasted me
for being an idiot, and not understanding how hard his job was.....and how hard it was for him to get food and feed us. Now that I think of it, the CO was a pretty smart guy
for doing that to me.

And then their was the dumbest guy I ever met in the Army. He was a draftee, and on a weekend pass towards the end of his Basic Training, he blew most of his right foot off
with a shotgun. He did it on purpose, to keep from going to Vietnam. The stupid part was....he was Colorblind, and they won't send you into combat if you are colorblind!

How about you guy's........what were some of the dumbest things you saw in the service?

 

[frenchman]

Using my ruck as a rest for my rifle and shooting holes in my socks/underwear. I saw two guys fencing with cleaning rods, which resulted in an Italian comrade almost losing an eye.

 

[kevin9]

Add one gung-ho USA enlisted soldier (exact rank forgotten), an early piece of network encryption gear (exact model unimportant), a KSD-64 CIK (looks like a fat door key) that could only be inserted one way and then turned 1/4 turn to key the crypto device, and a success-oriented joint USAF-USA demonstration.

Said soldier stormed into the comm tent (USAF) complaining that the network crypto the fly-boys had given him didn't work. It was explained that one sometimes had to push the key in and turn it firmly, sometimes they were a little sticky. He said he'd had no problem getting it inserted properly. When asked if the key was currently in the device, he said no, and held up the CIK. It was actually the fob end of the CIK, missing the whole blade portion.

The crypto, with CIK blade firmly twisted into the key slot upside down, was sent out for repair. The tech rep didn't believe anyone could actually force the CIK in upside down, at least not without a hammer, let alone turn it and break the CIK in half.

Needless to say the USAF comm geeks made sure to personally key the cryptos loaned to the grunts every day for the rest of the event. The network worked flawless the rest of the demo, until an airman weedwacking the fence line in prep for a GO visit clipped the incoming fiber line.

 

[AllaSnackbah]

During our FTX at AIT we were in a patrol base on low ground. On day 2 thunderstorms were rolling in, i could tell it was gonna be bad so i told the guys in my plt to pull their rucks/sleeping bags etc out of their ranger graves and put them on high ground under their ponchos.

5 minutes later it rained harder than ive ever seen for a solid hour, we evac'd up to bleachers with lightning protection and waited it out.

When we finally got back down there were about a half dozen geniuses who had ignored the advice whos rucks were floating in their foxholes. I think ftx was extra shitty for them.

 

[smokey-seven]

But the dumbest thing I ever did was write a letter to the Post Commander, complaining about the mess hall food.

Yea... just as dumb as volunteering.

The Navy has what's called a "Lucky Bag" sale like an auction where improperly stowed personal property was confiscated. The idiots were taking foul weather gear that was hung up in the berthing area to dry and impounding it. That stuff is ships property and not personal gear thus illegal to confiscate let alone, "sell" at the auction. So I did a dumb and wrote the CO about the problem asking a storage area be designated as a drying location for wet foul weather gear. Now the dumb part: I signed it.

The Co went ballistic, kicked it down all the way to my division officer who in turn designated me a noncom in charge of the project. I had the sheet metal shop build a nice stainless steel locker large enough to store the crew's gear and then was told where the locker was to be placed. It was put in an unheated location. The gear never dried. We went back to putting it all in the berthing area again, but at least they stopped confiscating it. Ah well... If ya can't fix it f&^# it.

 

[Penniepup1]

My TC was sick of raccoons coming into our area and 113 at night. Had the bright idea of using a blank cartridge and cleaning rod as the projectile. He caught one rummaging in the APC and boom; he thought he got him. The next morning, I went to fire up the 113 pig and there was a cleaning rod sticking out the main comms box. He had a difficult time explaining how the comms system wasn't working when we turned it in.

 

[Picton]

My TC was sick of raccoons coming into our area and 113 at night. Had the bright idea of using a blank cartridge and cleaning rod as the projectile. He caught one rummaging in the APC and boom; he thought he got him. The next morning, I went to fire up the 113 pig and there was a cleaning rod sticking out the main comms box. He had a difficult time explaining how the comms system wasn't working when we turned it in.

Priceless.

 

[Rockrivr1]

When my carrier would pull into Subic Bay the Air Wing would sometimes fly off and run operations out of Subic's airfield. Our CO seemed to enjoy this and we'd have to work 24 on 24 off shifts, which really sucked. During one of those engagements we were there during monsoon season and damn can that rain come down. After a particularly long shift 23.5 hours into a 24 hour shift the Senior Chief comes up to me and tells me to take an FA-18 to the compass field and resync the compass. Normally that is a 3 hour job, so I get mouthy about it. Before I know it me and the Chief are yelling at each other with his final comments are do it or face Captain's Mast. I shut up but I'm so pissed I don't know what to do with myself. So what does any dumb ass, tired, pissed off'd sailor do. Well he throws his cranial against the wall. Except I just happen to throw it in the direct the Chief is walking. As the chief goes through the door outside the cranial slams against the door frame a mere 4 inches from his head. The Chief just stops, turns his head and looks at the cranial on the floor and keeps walking. I literally felt the blood drain from my head as I watched the cranial fly at him.

Now the stupidest thing I ever saw involves a drunk buddy of mine, a live sex show at Kings Crossing in Australia where my buddy was an active participant on stage, the music stopping, he didn't and the hilarity that ensued when three very large bouncers "made" him stop. Lets just say he needed a trip to medical afterwards.

 

[Picton]

First day as a rifle PL, right after breakfast, a new kid comes into the CP. My acting PSG tells me not to worry about it; it's a deal between him and the PSG for another platoon in the company. Implies- heavily- that there's no need for the CO to find out, and that even the 1SG probably isn't involved.

Seems my guy agreed to take this young man off his brother PSG's hands because Private Dumbass had been found in a threesome with his girlfriend and another woman, a woman who happened to be his team leader's wife.

Team leader hadn't found out yet, but his squad leader had.

Such a mess. I don't even think the other PL knew the reason, and I've always assumed my acting PSG hadn't wanted me to find out either. He turned out to be a pretty okay trooper; I've got no clue what kind of wall-to-wall counseling the NCOs put him through behind the scenes, but it must have been severe.

 

[Artie]

I was a Corpsman on a carrier seeing sick call. Underway, a young SA (E2) comes into medical and asked how he can get off the ship. I told him nonchalantly that family and medical issues, depending on the issue, can get you off.

20 minutes later, Medical Emergency in the ships gym is announced over the 1MC (public-address system). Found that same knucklehead on the floor, screaming in agony, with about 100lbs of steel plate weights next to his destroyed knee. He had propped his leg up on the bench and dropped the weights on his knee.

He got off the ship

 

[76Too]

one of my younger guys in my plt at MOS school got pulled over on his motorcycle for not wearing a helmet underage...and he had beer on his breath. he was standing at parade rest the whole time...lol.

they were all on sport bikes and I was on my harley...when the cop pulled up to us in traffic and asked me if I knew them, I said 'no sir' and took off like a prom dress!

hey, someone had to be around to bail them out of jail the next morning

 

[Wildweasel]

I was a 33s10 stationed in Berlin (field station) (EW intercept systems repairer. )

a fellow 33s who I went to school with (the guy who always asked hypothetical questions in class not relating to the subject matter)
was troubleshooting a reel to reel tape recorder (tnh-20 ) Instead of writing on a copy of the schematics as he was trouble shooting he did it on the actual circuit board when it was live (signal chasing with a scope) the catch is it was a graphite pencil, that successfully turned diodes into resistors and fried the whole machine.

all the techs had to sit through a remedial training session so none of us would repeat the same display of college grad stupidity. (the damage was in the thousands after the contractor got through fixing it.

The tech was reassigned to sub system where no component level troubleshooting was allowed.

 

[Skysoldier]

I was a 33s10 stationed in Berlin (field station) (EW intercept systems repairer. )

a fellow 33s who I went to school with (the guy who always asked hypothetical questions in class not relating to the subject matter)
was troubleshooting a reel to reel tape recorder (tnh-20 ) Instead of writing on a copy of the schematics as he was trouble shooting he did it on the actual circuit board when it was live (signal chasing with a scope) the catch is it was a graphite pencil, that successfully turned diodes into resistors and fried the whole machine.

all the techs had to sit through a remedial training session so none of us would repeat the same display of college grad stupidity. (the damage was in the thousands after the contractor got through fixing it.

The tech was reassigned to sub system where no component level troubleshooting was allowed.

LMAO! We had a guy at Microwave school at Fort Momnouth NJ.......and we called him "B2"....because everytime he poked around with a screwdriver, he always found the B2 High Voltage!

You have to understand vacuum tubes to get this.......

 

[Maxspeed]

I watched some guy once put a small hole in his arm from a shrapnel when he though that a blasting cap was as harmless as firecracker!

 

[Wildweasel]

My First piece of equipment was the R390. tubed receiver. pull the ground strap and you had B+ on the chassis.

 

[crazymjb]

Lots of stupidity including guys racking a round into rifles while pointing them at each other because boredom got to them... fortunately nobody got shot.

I've seen a Marine who kept live rounds accidentally load and fire off 2 shots through the BFA in a MOUT town. Fortunately he missed. That was a big incident that got training cancelled for the day. Fortunately it wasn't our company.

I had another friend who was really accident prone. One time he leaned over and grabbed a hot 50 call barrel, another time he stapled his hand putting up targets, yet another some girls tongue ring backing fell out and cut him pretty bad you know where...

Let's see what else.... we were doing a company level PT session that consisted of the O course in full kit about 3 days before we went to Afghanistan. First kid up the rope slipped and had a gnarly compound fracture... thank god for that cause I definitely would have eaten shit.

I've also seen lots of people banging other people's wives.

I miss it. Can't wait to get back in.

Mike

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

 

[dustoff22]

My First piece of equipment was the R390. tubed receiver. pull the ground strap and you had B+ on the chassis.

Explain that please............. I'm guessing it becomes a polarity issue?

 

[Gibbs]

...the dumbest thing I ever did was write a letter to the Post Commander...

Didn't have to read any further, Kim, before I was laughing out loud.

 

[Wildweasel]

The r390a radio receiver was designed such that if the chassis was not grounded (2 prong plug and due to being mounted in a grounded rack they decided that it wasn't needed. ) if you had it on the bench working on it b+ would float on the chassis and give you a hell of a shock. to prevent that they had us run a grounding strap to the chassis. I am not sure why it was like that. (last time I touched them was DXing a pile in 1985 at FT Devens Intel school.) best I could find was the following in a TM on it.

38. General Precautions
a. When the receiver is removed from the case,
cabinet, or rack for servicing, connect a suitable ground
to the main frame and to any subchassis operated
outside the main frame, before connecting the power
cord.

If we didn't have it grounded the instructor would dock your grade. lol

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R-390A

 

[Skysoldier]

Explain that please............. I'm guessing it becomes a polarity issue?

All the bypass and filtering capacitors are connected to the chassis ground There is always some leakage with normal capacitors, and if the chassis is not properly grounded,
it can "float" up to a very high voltage in a very short time.

Although it is not a direct connection to the B+ voltage, which is usually 300+ VDC...it can still knock you on your ass!

 

[99105]

In Basic Training there was a fire alarm around 2am. Everyone jumped out of their rack with their blanket wrapped around them as we headed out and away from the building, formed up, and then took roll call. After the all clear, we headed back inside. Somehow, by the time we got back into the barracks, one idiot had managed to lose the blanket that had been wrapped around him. I'll go to my grave still wondering how the hell that was possible.

Note that this was the same mental giant who mailed his boots home after the first week.

 

[AntiHippie]

I'll save my comments for 2.5 years, when I'm eligible for retirement...

 

[garandman]

I was. Corporal in an Infantry OSUT unit for three months. Sometimes I got to babysit the "Problem Children," who had been separated from training to be chapter discharged. Guys who failed to qualify with the M16 (and we're usually heartbroken), a kid from Darien CT who neglected to inform the Army he had Asthma (then enlisted for Infantry and had a spectacular asthma attack the first time we ran a Mile), the "Untrainable", and the "Terminally Dumb."

The Army's approach to attempted suicide was also a little more rough-and-ready. One trainee slashed across his wrists and was ordered to stand at attention in front of the company mirror, "And watch yourself bleed to death."

Private Jeffrey Bean was in the terminally dumb category. Saying he was dumber than a box of rocks was insulting to the rocks. He could not make his bed in the morning without direct supervision, let alone successfully reassemble a rifle. The DS's figured he had someone take the ASVAB for him (and you don't need much of a score for Infantry). He lasted all of 3-4 days before being pulled. When his parents were called, they were not pleased to learn he'd soon be back under their care.

The process took a few days to a few weeks for the paperwork to catch up. Having been removed from training to spend the day doing details, Private Bean (who was nearly as lazy and unmotivated as he was dumb) decided this wasn't fast enough for him. So one afternoon he approached me and said, "Corporal, I just wanted to say goodbye." "Private Bean, you are doing this detail, you aren't going anywhere."

"No, Corporal, I took drugs so I could kill myself."

Oh, great, the little ****er is going to kill himself, I'm going to be in deep shit, and the CO and 1SG will be pissed because of the ensuing mountain of paperwork.

But - trainees couldn't easily get drugs. He didn't have any money, he was restricted to the barracks area, and the cadre routinely confiscated any kind of analgesics like Aspirin, Motrin, etc: anything but soap, shaving cream and toothpaste. For temporary pain relief, the medics would on rare occasion give them a little pack of two Tylenol or Motrin, for example.

"Private Bean, what drugs did you take?" He took two packets of two Tylenol! For some reason, he believed this would be a fatal dose.

Now I get to go tell the 1SG as no one else is around. He called the CWO who ran the BDE medical facility, who assured him that 1. A Tylenol overdose could kill you, but it would be like an entire bottle, ground up, and would cause kidney failure over a period of days. And 2. A 165 lb knucklehead was in no danger from four Tylenol.

Now the CO had to be called, because maybe Private Bean had to be sent off to the post hospital for a psych evaluation. CO decided to leave him be, because "He's too dumb to successfully kill himself."

Jeffrey Bean is a somewhat common name. I've met at least three others in my life, and always wonder "Is it this the one?"

 

[AntiHippie]

I was. Corporal in an Infantry OSUT unit for three months. Sometimes I got to babysit the "Problem Children," who had been separated from training to be chapter discharged. Guys who failed to qualify with the M16 (and we're usually heartbroken), a kid from Darien CT who neglected to inform the Army he had Asthma (then enlisted for Infantry and had a spectacular asthma attack the first time we ran a Mile), the "Untrainable", and the "Terminally Dumb."

The Army's approach to attempted suicide was also a little more rough-and-ready. One trainee slashed across his wrists and was ordered to stand at attention in front of the company mirror, "And watch yourself bleed to death."

Private Jeffrey Bean was in the terminally dumb category. Saying he was dumber than a box of rocks was insulting to the rocks. He could not make his bed in the morning without direct supervision, let alone successfully reassemble a rifle. The DS's figured he had someone take the ASVAB for him (and you don't need much of a score for Infantry). He lasted all of 3-4 days before being pulled. When his parents were called, they were not pleased to learn he'd soon be back under their care.

The process took a few days to a few weeks for the paperwork to catch up. Having been removed from training to spend the day doing details, Private Bean (who was nearly as lazy and unmotivated as he was dumb) decided this wasn't fast enough for him. So one afternoon he approached me and said, "Corporal, I just wanted to say goodbye." "Private Bean, you are doing this detail, you aren't going anywhere."

"No, Corporal, I took drugs so I could kill myself."

Oh, great, the little ****er is going to kill himself, I'm going to be in deep shit, and the CO and 1SG will be pissed because of the ensuing mountain of paperwork.

But - trainees couldn't easily get drugs. He didn't have any money, he was restricted to the barracks area, and the cadre routinely confiscated any kind of analgesics like Aspirin, Motrin, etc: anything but soap, shaving cream and toothpaste. For temporary pain relief, the medics would on rare occasion give them a little pack of two Tylenol or Motrin, for example.

"Private Bean, what drugs did you take?" He took two packets of two Tylenol! For some reason, he believed this would be a fatal dose.

Now I get to go tell the 1SG as no one else is around. He called the CWO who ran the BDE medical facility, who assured him that 1. A Tylenol overdose could kill you, but it would be like an entire bottle, ground up, and would cause kidney failure over a period of days. And 2. A 165 lb knucklehead was in no danger from four Tylenol.

Now the CO had to be called, because maybe Private Bean had to be sent off to the post hospital for a psych evaluation. CO decided to leave him be, because "He's too dumb to successfully kill himself."

Jeffrey Bean is a somewhat common name. I've met at least three others in my life, and always wonder "Is it this the one?"

Never thought about it until I read that, but I wonder of that's why the military relies on Motrin and almost NEVER aspirin? ASA (acetylsalicylic acid) WILL kill you if you overdose, and by the time someone does it, finds someone to listen, and tells them what they did, a Chaplain could do more good than a Medic.

 

[tuna]

I got a forklift stuck in mud.
Went to get a pickup to get that out, and the pickup got stuck in the mud.
Got another forklift and a friend, finally got everything unstuck but what a hell of a mess the grass was.

Drove a forklift with the E-brake on. It smoked like crazy, and I thought there was something wrong with the exhaust, and I'd report it when I turned it in. Turns out it got hot enough to melt the mechanism for steering the thing, too bad it was in between two warehouses. I didn't go to the motor pool for a couple years after that.


I (an E7) convinced a young airman (E4) that was moving a rolling tool chest that if she went fast enough, it would clear the steps and land in the truck - long story short, it didn't.
She wasn't counselled for doing that, as I said it was my idea, she was just reminded to never, ever EVER, under any circumstances, think I had a good idea.

Tried to see how far I could roll a 45# weight plate. Turns out - all the way across the gym and halfway through the wall. Who knew?


The above were accidents.

On purpose, I managed to make my way through about 3/4 of "Skippy's List" - much to my chain of command's dismay.

For those of you unfamiliar with this list: http://skippyslist.com/list/

I dare you to read it without laughing.

 

[eboos]

Ever be the Pit NCO at a grenade range? One day was enough for me. People can throw practice grenades just fine all day long. Give them a live grenade and they loose all muscle coordination. Luckily all made it over the wall, just some not very far.

 

[jasonj84]

In Security Forces at Brunswick Naval Air Station. Back in from a field week and we were cleaning weapons to turn back into the armory. One of the Saw Gunners mixed a healthy portion of the floor stripping compound for the regularly waxed barracks floors with hot water in a 5 gal bucket and threw his M249 in there and let it sit. He was having a great laugh watching the rest of us scrub with CLP until he went to retrieve the Saw. That floor stripper stripped almost every spec of bluing off of that gun. That was an interesting conversation at the armory. I can't remember if he got into any real trouble, but the rest of our cleaning sessions were closely supervised by the NCO's.

 

[Choctaw]

Ever be the Pit NCO at a grenade range? One day was enough for me. People can throw practice grenades just fine all day long. Give them a live grenade and they loose all muscle coordination. Luckily all made it over the wall, just some not very far.

We had an annual allotment of grenades. Not using up your allotment for the year resulted in a smaller allotment on the next shipment. So, we had annual grenade practice on the fantail. Open to anyone who wanted to learn. Like you said, people get nervous, the deck of a small frigate moves a lot even on a calm sea. Not fun when you see a loose one that didn't clear the fantail rolling around.

After leaving drydock we stopped off to get our ammo restocked. Our hoist was still not working so we had a line of people handing the ammo off to each other down three decks. All had been trained what to do if you drop one. We were loading white phosphorous (willy peter) rounds when one got dropped down two levels and rolled under the gun mount. WP will burn through steel like a hot knife through butter. We had all been trained what to do. I was in charge of that line so it was my responsibility to retrieve it. After climbing under the deck plates and retrieving it I turned to hand it off and back up the line but everyone had disappeared. I had to carry the 5"/38 back up two decks of vertical ladders.

 

[Picton]

In Security Forces at Brunswick Naval Air Station. Back in from a field week and we were cleaning weapons to turn back into the armory. One of the Saw Gunners mixed a healthy portion of the floor stripping compound for the regularly waxed barracks floors with hot water in a 5 gal bucket and threw his M249 in there and let it sit. He was having a great laugh watching the rest of us scrub with CLP until he went to retrieve the Saw. That floor stripper stripped almost every spec of bluing off of that gun. That was an interesting conversation at the armory. I can't remember if he got into any real trouble, but the rest of our cleaning sessions were closely supervised by the NCO's.

That's a classic one right there.

The things I've seen soldiers do with Simple Green...

 

[Gak44]

The only kind of stupid thing that I recall, was that we used to race our trucks though the "sugar" area, (where high explosives were loaded), in the middle of the night. We had ton and a half flat bed trucks. We needed them to set up the C141's for their missions. I worked grave shift pretty much my whole time while I was stationed at Travis AFB.