I'd also recommend trying to hookup with a few fellow NES members. I'm sure many of us would not have a problem meeting you at a range and letting you shoot our guns, that way you can feel the recoil of different guns with different calibers and figure out what you're most comfortable with.
With that said, my 1911 fits my hand just as well as my M&P 9mm did. The M&P has interchangeable back straps to fit a large variety of hand sizes (I have small hands), however I shot my 1911 much better consistently, so I sold the M&P. In all honesty, the M&P also had more recoil regardless of the smaller caliber (9mm vs 45), so don't limit your choices based on caliber alone. You really have to not only look at and hold but also fire MANY guns. The M&P was my first handgun, and if I knew what I know now my first gun would have been the 1911 or a Sig P220. My 2 cents.
With that said, my 1911 fits my hand just as well as my M&P 9mm did. The M&P has interchangeable back straps to fit a large variety of hand sizes (I have small hands), however I shot my 1911 much better consistently, so I sold the M&P. In all honesty, the M&P also had more recoil regardless of the smaller caliber (9mm vs 45), so don't limit your choices based on caliber alone. You really have to not only look at and hold but also fire MANY guns. The M&P was my first handgun, and if I knew what I know now my first gun would have been the 1911 or a Sig P220. My 2 cents.