Weird News Report You'll NEVER See

[dwarven1]

Crossposted from www.appleseedinfo.org - authored by Fred of www.fredsm14stocks.com.

“GUNOWNERS HAVE TO LEARN TO SHOOT”

Notown, Nostate [AP] - XYZ gun Club today reported it had started a program to get its members competent at shooting.

“If you belong to a fishing club”, said the Club President, “people would expect you to know how to fish.

“So we feel at XYZ that if you belong to a gun club, you should know how to shoot.”

["Duh!", thought this reporter]

The Club President said the measure was passed over considerable opposition among club members, but said the issue was too important to let the worthless doofuses amongst the membership control it.

“It’s part of our heritage, the American tradition of marksmanship. Anyone can pull a trigger; we want them to be able to hit the target.”

But club member Joe Six-Pack Doofus was not happy about it: “I feel the Club President is being a dictator, telling everyone else what to do. Most of us joined this club to have a place to shoot, not to be told what to do. And besides, some of us can’t hit a target - so what? It’s about relaxing and having fun.”

This reporter witnessed some club members firing a “Classification Target” and personally ascertained to his own satisfaction that the club president was absolutely correct - none of the dopes could shoot a rifle. Even your reporter, who hates guns, was embarrassed for these helpless, hapless, hopeless dwebes.

But the Club President was optimistic: “Americans are born to a heritage of knowing how to shoot. Sure, the last few generations have slacked off - on shooting, as well as many other things. But we’re gonna teach them how to shoot, so they can be proud of being Americans again.”

This reporter then watched as some club members who’ve gone thru the new club member marksmanship program took up their rifles.

What a difference!

For one thing, they looked like they knew what they were doing.

With a steady “Crack!” followed by a two-count, then another “Crack!” they punched out the center of the targets, even when the bulls were moved out to 500 yards, where your reporter could barely see them.

Surprisingly, there was no celebration, no “whoppee!” at hitting the target.

I asked the Club President what he thought of all the ruckus.

“It was tough at the beginning. A lot of members did not like the idea of ‘being told what to do’”, he said.

“I told them it’s not about ‘being told what to do’, it’s a matter of knowing how to shoot, of being competent, of honoring the tradition, of remembering our forefathers who used their skill in marksmanship to start this great nation.

“I told them it’s about pride, not about wallowing like pigs in ignorance and degradation and incompetence.

“I told them it’s about getting off the couch, standing up on your feet, and being proud to be an American, again.

“I told them IT HAD TO BE DONE, LEST WE DISHONOR THOSE WHO CAME BEFORE US.

“Yes, like kids taking medicine which is good for them, they fought that which will do them good, but we persisted, and we are now well on the way to being a club of Rifleman, in the finest tradition in the word.”

[I only wish the above story would be so common that it wouldn't even have the chance of being "news"...]

Nobody here knows Joe Sixpack-Doofus, right?