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Kel-Tec: Not sure if they make guns or paper-weights shaped like actual guns. Really inexpensive pieces of crap that I wouldn't want my worst enemy to use. Bringing a Kel-Tec to a knife fight ensures that the guy that brought the knife is going to win. Favored by cheapskates, minimum-wage earners, and high school drop outs who, for some strange reason, haven't heard the word "Glock" before.
S&W M&P:
C'mon, you really wanted a Glock, didn't you?
S&W Revolvers: Archaic hand weapons from a bygone era, the missing link between flintlocks and autoloaders. Low capacity, and reloading requires a lunch break. Heavy for their capacity, unless you’re talking about airweight snubbies, which hurt as much on the giving end as they do on the receiving end. Rare stoppages, but few malfunctions that don’t require gunsmith services, which are hard to come by in a gunfight. Favored by crusty old farts who just now got around to trusting newfangled smokeless powder, and Dirty Harry fans with unrealistic ideas about the power of Magnum rounds vs. engine blocks.
Here ya go ... Mosin Nagant Humor AK vs. AR vs. Mosin NagantWOW!! Nobody has anything bad to say about the Mosin...
A few more...
Walther PPK- No matter how many of them you buy, none of them will ever
be anywhere near as good as the special PPK that 007 carried.
The 1911- When you look up "unreliable" in the dictionary there is a picture of one, with big red circles and red arrows pointing to the swinging link and
the plunger tube. Chuck Norris uses stainless 1911s as impact weapons instead of just firing them- it's more reliable.
(NB- I own 3 1911s and would never get rid of them... but they've pissed me off plenty of times, too. )
SW1911 PD/SC- Free coupon in box with gun for a bag full of replacement plunger tubes.
Seecamp .32 - A handgun that will always look far far better than it
will ever shoot.
S+W Airweight .357 Magnum revolvers- A gun where you at least
momentarily contemplate throwing the gun at the bad guy instead of firing it because you start thinking that, even if the bad guy shoots you, it will
probably hurt less than firing the airweight does.
Ruger Mini-14- "No Honest man needs more than 15 rounds.... patterned in a 20 inch group at 100 yards. "
Ruger centerfire autopistols- Hey RUGER!!!! Robocop called, he wants his gun back- worse yet, he's pissed that you ruined the trigger on it.
Ruger MKxx series 22 LR pistols - A gun that requires a Hammer as a part of
it's field strip/reassembly process- enough said.
Ruger Firearms - Are we buying a firearm, or a safety manual that was
made to look like a gun?
Anything made by Jennings, Lorcin, Raven, Jiminez... a pot metal replica that some monkey attempted to make into a functioning handgun.
Hi-Point semiauto pistols- the Fung Wah Bus of handguns. You don't get
what you never paid for.
FN FiveSeven - FN had to license a patent from Mattel to produce this handgun which was designed for that guy in the grey poupon car to hunt woodchucks with- woodchucks that just so happen to be wearing level 2 kevlar vests.
FN P90- Same as above but based on the falsehood that firing the same woefully inadequate cartridge over and over again at a high rate of speed will
somehow yield a different result.
Sig P210- A small box of magazines for this gun costs more than the gun
itself does. You would think the followers were made of 24 karat gold and encrusted with diamonds.
Glock- Perfection- Well, everything except for the barrel and chamber, of course.
New S+W Revolvers- We know better than you- that's why we ram that stupid lock down your throat every time you buy one of our revolvers.
Para Warthog: Para is running a competition to find the 5 people in america that actually have a reliable warthog.
Auto Ordnance 1911- Inside the factory, "Yakety Sax" is being played while this pistol is being manufactured, on an infinite loop. All pistols are submitted for QC, a half an hour before 5 PM, on a friday.
Olympic Arms AR-15 rifles- "We are the CHEAPEST!" (use Willy the Janitor voice while saying this)
Springfield Armory EMP 9mm - "Warning- pistol will not function correctly from factory. Use internet tips to repair. "
FN FAL- Or is it really, or is it a, metric, xiectalub barrel on a SA58 imbel couscous receiver, that has magazines that are not compatible with- oh wait, aw, screw this, let's just use an M1A.
Mac 11 9mm SMG - A Jackhammer dies, and is reincarnated as a machine gun.
HK- We make you drool, then we punch you in the face and deliver a kick to your nutsack if you ask for a sear spring. NEIN!
Taurus- "Mommy when I grow up I wanna produce real firearms!!!!!"
Ultramax Ammunition- You know, that guy, at the range, that's always
having trouble with his reloads? Well, now he sells them for money.
Magsafe Ammunition- there's a sucker born every minute.
ARES Defense SHRIKE Upper System- It's worth the wait, even if you have to write it into your will for your descendant to pick it up by the time it's done.
-Mike
WOW!! Nobody has anything bad to say about the Mosin...
That's why I like it ....Mosin Nagant 91/30... The favored bolt action rifle of soviet peasants, where the main operational feature is that you need a big ****ing hammer to unlock the bolt after every shot, because it likes to get stuck all the time. The gun looks like it was put together out of a car axle, some other miscellaneous car parts, and the stock was roughly hewn out of the wood sourced from an ancient department store barcalounger that was finally put on clearance- which is why they have to put a piece of metal on the buttstock to reinforce it. The rifle also has sights that are almost as worthless as the same sights on an AKM. To top off the frosting on this enormous turd cake, the rifle is also so effing long it doesn't even fit inside most rifle cases and sometimes even will not fit inside many gun safes due to its enormous, unnecessary length- which is even more amusing, because the length of pull on the stock, itself, is pretty much designed for a midget.
-Mike
Glock: Favored by people who no nothing about guns
(except from watching NCIS)
current and former NFL second-string athletes
17-year-old punks
and people who don't like more than a magazine release and take-down level on their guns.
Auto Ordnance 1911- Inside the factory, "Yakety Sax" is being played while this pistol is being manufactured, on an infinite loop.