Ham Humor Thread

Zappa

Zappa

Road Warrior
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During a recent Saturday afternoon drive around Greene County I happened
down a back road near the 'Coon River. I saw a sign in front of a broken
down aging farmhouse that read, "Talking Dog for Sale."

Well, that made me curious so I stopped to see what the deal was. In the
yard there is a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting.

"You talk?" I asked.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

Well after I got over the shock of hearing a dog talk, I asked "So, what's
your story?"

"Ah shucks there ain't much to tell. Is that a screwdriver antenna on your
truck out there?"

"How did you know that," I asked?

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I'm a ham radio operator. I got my
ticket when I was a young pup. In no time at all I had my 5-band
DXCC in Phone and CW. The CIA heard about me and asked me to do
spy work for them. I would hang around the communications centers and
with my keen hearing could copy the transmissions. Because no one
figured a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their most valuable
spies for eight years. Copying high speed CW all day really tired me
and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to settle
down. I retired from the CIA (8 dog years is 56 CIA years) and joined
a ham radio club. In fact I won first place in the Iowa QSO Party
two years in a row. Then I had a mess of puppies and got away from Ham
Radio for a while. I sure miss my radio. Why don't you buy me and I'll
be your CW operator in the next DX 'test.."

I said "let me see what I can do."

I went back in and asked the owner what he wanted for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the old farmer says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff. He's just a No Code
Extra."
 
Uh oh. That's me
HideUnderChair.gif
But I plan on fixing that as soon as I figure out about 100 other amateur radio related things [grin].
 
What do you mean no-code! I can copy and send CW..... Ok, so maybe at one word per minute with 50% accuracy LOL. Was pretty good in the 70's but boy does that get rusty fast!
 
Q-Signals for Baby Boomers

Stolen from eHam.net

The article by W2NLS made me realize there is indeed a need for Q-Signals to address the special interest of the aging Baby Boomer Ham (including myself). I’m sure this has been done before but perhaps there is something useful here. No offense is intended, just an opportunity for us Old Timers to smile at ourselves.

QAR: Is your arthritis acting up today? My arthritis is acting up today.

QBP: How many bypasses (or stints) do you have? I have ___ bypasses (or stints).

QDF: Does (or did) your ICD (implantable cardioverter-defibrillator) zap you when you key down? My ICD zaps (zapped) me when I key down.

QDN: Are you wearing dentures? I am wearing dentures.

QGC: How many grandchildren do you have (or do you have a new grandchild)? I have ___ grandchildren (or I have a new grandchild).

QGM: Are you operating golf cart mobile? I am operating golf cart mobile.

QID: What kind of incontinent diapers do you used? I use ___ diapers for incontinence.

QJR: How many joint replacements have you had? I have had ___ joint replacements.

QLO: Do you know what LOL (or IMHO, ROFL, etc.) stands for? ___ stands for ___.

QLW: Do you watch Lawrence Welk reruns? I watch Lawrence Welk reruns.

QMD: Who is your geriatric physician? My geriatric physician is ___ .

QOT: Are you an Old Timer and were you licensed before no-code licensing? I am an Old Timer and I was licensed before no-code licensing.

QPA: What is your PSA level (or have you had your PSA level checked)? My PSA level is ___ .

QPG: Was that QRM or did you just pass gas? No, that was QRM.

QPJ: Do you drink prune juice? I drink prune juice.

QPM: Did you just pull a muscle? I think I just pulled a muscle.

QPP: Do you need to take a bio-break? I need to take a bio-break.

QRX: What medications are you taking? I am taking the following medications ____ .

QSS: Have you gotten your social security check? I have received my social security check.

QVC: Do you know how to program your VCR? I can program my VCR.

QWH: Do you think Betty White is hot? I think Betty White is hot.


QON Do you remember your own name without looking? I remember my own name without looking.

QWS Who sent last? I think I sent last.

QPP Do you need to change your Depends? I need to change my Depends.

QFA Are you asleep - do I need to resend? I fell asleep, please resend.

QCS Is ____ your call or mine? _____ is your call.

QPC Are you power chair mobile? I am power chair mobile.

QAS Are you in assisted living? I am in assisted living.

QWK Are you living with your kids? I am living with my kids.
Click to expand...
 
Stolen from eHam.net

#2 and #8 [rofl]

You know you are a CW addict if…

1) Rather than saying “Huh?” you say “didi dahdah didit.”

2) You wake up in the middle of the night with a million crickets chirping and all you can think of is trying to bust the pile-up.

3) Rather than talk in your sleep, your fingers twitch out code.

4) The first time you heard Beethoven’s 5th symphony all you heard was “V” being sent over and over and over and… Then it dawned on you why it is called the 5th symphony.

5) You find yourself saying “didahdit” rather than “Yes.”

6) Someone calls you a “freak” and you yell back “Up 5.”

7) Rather than make rude gestures at idiot drivers, using you car horn, you tap out that they are a “!!*@@###!!.”

8) You can pick out that QRP 3PY in a massive pileup but don’t hear you wife calling from the next room.

9) On your honeymoon night, you pretended to go to the bathroom so you could work the Heard Island dxpedition on your RockMite.

10) You’ve gotten in a fist fight on field day over iambic A-mode versus iambic B-mode.
 
True story: My son and I were just learning CW. Early one morning a wood pecker is pecking into my house trying to get at a carpenter bee larva. He's pecking with an irregular beat and I'm half way between awake and asleep and all I can think of is why the hell is my son knocking on his bedroom wall with Morse at this early hour?
 
i see someone with a ham vanity plate, i'll honk a dih-dah-dit at 'em.....

i'm a "tech-lite" though, i'm probably honking "EFF YOU GET OUTTA MY WAY OM!"
 
Last edited:
Remarkable QRP tuner kits for sale on eBay for only $20.

They must be remarkable. The instructions are in poorly translated Chinese, but I think it will tune-up a shoe, frog or octopus! I'm thinking the octopus is for multi-band work.[thinking][rofl]
This kit welding, making easy to understand, easier to learn, easy to use. Comes with standing instructions, Q9 type interface (such as the need to be self to M-type interface), using T-topology networks, QRP facilitate communication with the low-power transceiver (shoes, frogs, octopus, etc.) used to make transceiver and antenna valid match, meet your emission requirements, ensure a highly efficient radio communications.
Click to expand...
I will say I'm a little concerned about the skills required to build one. I'm highly skilled with a soldering iron, but I've never welded electronics before.[laugh]
 
Not sure where else to put this one.

Last night I was scanning the CW portion of 20M and came across some guy sending the same CQ over and over, but never giving his call sign. The CQ was:
CQ to Malaysian flights MH730 Keep looking but look at black holes on the sea. CQ to Flights MH370, keep looking but look at black holes on the sea.
Click to expand...

This is the first nut-job using CW that I've come across.
 

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