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Wednesday night joke
- Thread starter Cross-X
- Start date
How many Lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they don't screw in their lightbulbs, they screw in thier hot tubs.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake the ladder and the other one to sue the ladder company
And the granddady...
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, lawyers only screw us.
None, they don't screw in their lightbulbs, they screw in thier hot tubs.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake the ladder and the other one to sue the ladder company
And the granddady...
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, lawyers only screw us.
Oh, and to be fair.
How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None--that's a hardware problem.
How many Microsoft engineers does it take?
None, they just declare darkness the industry standard.
How many System Admins does it take to change a lightbulb?
If you buy a Microsoft lightbulb it will change itself.
Of course, your power will go out at random moments. The bulb will sometimes change even if you don't want it to. And your light usage will automatically be reported to the Microsoft auditors every time you turn it on.
How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None--that's a hardware problem.
How many Microsoft engineers does it take?
None, they just declare darkness the industry standard.
How many System Admins does it take to change a lightbulb?
If you buy a Microsoft lightbulb it will change itself.
Of course, your power will go out at random moments. The bulb will sometimes change even if you don't want it to. And your light usage will automatically be reported to the Microsoft auditors every time you turn it on.
Frank goes into a sex shop and asks for a blow up doll.
The clerks asks, "Do you want a Christian or a Muslim?"
Frank asks, "What's the difference?"
And the clerk replied, "The Muslims blow themselves up."
The clerks asks, "Do you want a Christian or a Muslim?"
Frank asks, "What's the difference?"
And the clerk replied, "The Muslims blow themselves up."
And for the animal lovers, an oldie but a goodie:
Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
A1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
burned out bulb?
A2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not
up to code.
A3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
A4. Rottweiler: Make me.
A5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
A6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can
I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
A7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from
the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one
more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of
the situation.
A8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture.
A9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light
bulb?
A10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
dark.
A11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
A12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
A13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
A14. New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a
little cluster...
A15. Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do
it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light
bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect
some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE
STAFF.
Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
A1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
burned out bulb?
A2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not
up to code.
A3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
A4. Rottweiler: Make me.
A5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
A6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can
I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
A7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from
the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one
more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of
the situation.
A8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture.
A9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light
bulb?
A10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
dark.
A11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
A12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
A13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
A14. New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a
little cluster...
A15. Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do
it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light
bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect
some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE
STAFF.
