Whats the dumbest thing you ever did when you were in the service?

Skysoldier

Skysoldier

Forum Curmudgeon
NES Member
Joined
Feb 15, 2009
Messages
12,286
Likes
26,799
Location
Albuquerque, NM
Feedback: 3 / 0 / 0
For me, it was hitting my Platoon Leader up the side of the head with the butt of my M-16.......on Saturday morning......in front of the whole company formation![smile]

I spent thirty days in the stockade, and was busted from E-5 to E-2.

But when I got back to the Company after the stockade, he was gone, and I was the Company Hero! Even the Company Commander shook my hand and welcomed me back

[rofl][rofl][rofl]
 
My biggest mistake was getting out when I did, but I was young and thought I knew everything.
 
Lost my concentration working the flight deck after pulling a 16 hour very active shift. Never noticed the F-4 turning away from me. That is until I was in the wash, flying off my feet and tumbling half way down the deck. [thinking] Luckily I just got banged up with more then a few scrapes and bruises. Of course my shipmates never let me live it down.
 
volunteering for everything i ever volunteered for, OTHER THAN the deployment to Iraq... that ACTUALLY worked out BETTER than it could have. See, I am a Heavy Equipment Operator by MOS, but the slots they had available in the unit I went with ( a BN HQ and Support company) was for COOKS. I didnt know it at the time, and once I got in the unit I was fairly certain I wanted to off myself before I even left ( a cook in combat theater?? ) LOL. BUT.... because I had more medical training than ANYONE in the company I was in, and because I got in with a bunch of other people who really WERENT cooks... we got made into a Convoy Security Team. So in the long run I got to go outside the wire 3 or 4 times a week on missions all over the area. I also got to learn alot that I didnt know about ( SIncgars, harris, and the BFT) as well as shoot alot of the weapons we had. So, that ONE thing was a good idea ... and I got home so...
 
M1911 said:
So, why did you hit him?
Click to expand...

A long story...........but basically he and I never got along.

I was the only Vietnam Vet in his Platoon.

He was a fat slob who didn't show up for his Reserve obligation, and was ordered to Active duty. ( hippie in uniform)

He just said something one morning, and it was the last straw for me?[smile]
 
My close second would be believing the Marine Reserve NCO who told me when I wanted to lateral transfer to the Air Guard that I couldnt. Base closed anyway, and instead of me going over to Air Guard where I could continue my firefighting, I got out with a bad taste and didnt go back for 9 years. Had I been smart and just got out and gone right back into Air guard at 22, Id be over 20 years now and probably be an E-8 instead of an E-5
 
I got absolutely blind drunk in Monte Carlo and apparently tried to fight most of the shore patrol out that night.

Got busted from E4 to E3 and bought myself 90 days of restriction to the ship.

My CO smarmily told me I'd end up an E3 my entire enlistment because "there aren't many open E4 billets in your rating."

He was pissed when I aced the test and made E4 the following year. I had the 2nd highest score in the whole damned Navy. The look on his face when he had to give me my stripe back was priceless.
 
Weeeeeeellllllllllllllllll,
There was this time a few guys in my squad and I had finished with out qualifications at the Pt Mugu Firing range and deceided to head back to the barracks early with various long and side arms. [thinking]

Without thinking we jumped in the back of a deuce and a half for the ride back to the Port Huneme. About halfway there we realised we had four M-16's and three 1911's with us. The platoon was gonna count weapons before heading back and when they came up short we would be toast. (instant Captian's mast) [shocked]

So I hatched a plan. We had the duty driver drop us off two blocks from the armory where no body could see the truck stopped and then we hopped out, formed up and marched back to the armory in formation. We made sure to call cadence nice & loud so they'd hear us coming. When we came up in front of the armory I called "Collum right!" and "Detail, Halt !" right in front of the gate.
I rang the buzzer and announced "Detail returning arms from the range !" and held my breath....

The buzzer sounded and the Chief gunner's mate let us in and opened the little window to receive our weapons. He took every one in, put it away and gave us back our issue cards. and then he said we might make it to the chow hall if we hustled.

So that's what we did.

As we shut the outer gate behind us I heard our company's Master Chief ask the Chief gunner's mate "How'd they get here ?"
I didn't dare turn around, I kept walking, as did everyone else.

We had pulled it off by marching in all squared away looking like we owned the place.[smile]
 
I was an avionics tech in the Navy, worked on and flew in E2-B early warning aircraft. My squadron was deployed on the USS Nimitz in the Med (1977)...I had just come off an arduous 12 hour shift (nights) one 3 hour flight and then spending the rest of the 9 hours repairing various systems in the aircraft...the last system I had to repair that night was the doppler radar system. I located the problem and it was a box in the "hell hole" of the aircraft, a space in the rear of the aircraft right behind the tailhook and the only way in there was through a trapdoor in the bottom of the aircraft.

I replaced the box (about 75 pounds) by installing it into it's mounting plenum rack, tightened down the ratchet wingnuts, gave it a good tug on the handles and safety wired it. I signed off the job gave the MAF (maintenance action form) to my supervisor to inspect and sign off and went to bed.

About an hour later I was woken up rather vigorously and was told to report to the maintenance Chief's office...I got up, confused as all hell, and stumbled down to his office...there in his office was that same doppler box I'd installed a few hours before and totally mangled...It seems that when I installed it, the two male pins on the bottom of the doppler unit didn't fully engage the female sockets on the plenum and when the plane was catapulted off the deck, it flipped out of the plenum, went crashing through the hell hole door and went skidding down the deck and ended up in the nets that encircled the carrier deck...I guess the airboss went apeshit and wanted to know what the hell happened...they cleared the deck for an emergency landing because in that hellhole is all kinds of control hydraulic lines for the rudders, elevators, etc etc. They didn't know if the box had clipped one or more of those lines as it came flying out and the crew wasn't taking any chances, understandably.

Fortunately, I was fairly new to the squadron being that I was only a 3rd class PO at the time, all I got was a severe toungue lashing...the guy that signed off my MAF (who was a 1st class PO as well as a 1st class asshat) never went out and actually checked the repair like he was supposed to do...he just assumed I had done it correctly. He ended up losing his inspector's credentials (QAR) for a few months. Being aircrew, I fully understood the implications of what had just happened...I could've killed 5 crewmembers and one of them could've been me. That hit me like a ton of bricks.

I learned two things that day...one, always double check your work, no matter how simple the job may seem to be and two, when I got my QAR (quality assurance rep), I always always always, checked the work...if anyone asked me why I would tell them this story.

One other thing, for those that haven't spent any time on a carrier, cameras are always rolling during flight ops forwrd deck and aft deck. I got to see the launch of that E2-B on the film and watching that plane spit that box out of it's back end as it went careening down the deck was very sobering. I considered myself very fortunate I didn't end up getting busted (or worse).

That was the stupidest/dumbest thing I ever did in the service...
 
Last edited:
jasons said:
My biggest mistake was getting out when I did, but I was young and thought I knew everything.
Click to expand...

Ditto. I had all kinds of opportunities but took my took my ETS at the first opportunity. Six months later my battalion jumped into Panama and then went to the gulf shortly there after. I could have tried for flight school, OCS, Ranger, but I thought I was the smart one getting out. I served, but often wished I'd served longer.

Had some drunken escapades in GA, Italy, Germany and one notable night in Istanbul, but just the typical GI's on leave kind of stuff.
 
ccm75 said:
Ditto. I had all kinds of opportunities but took my took my ETS at the first opportunity. Six months later my battalion jumped into Panama and then went to the gulf shortly there after. I could have tried for flight school, OCS, Ranger, but I thought I was the smart one getting out. I served, but often wished I'd served longer.

Had some drunken escapades in GA, Italy, Germany and one notable night in Istanbul, but just the typical GI's on leave kind of stuff.
Click to expand...

My MOS got killed right after I made Cpl. I could have extended my enlistment and lat moved to basically any MOS in the Corps.... I qualified for everything and had a spotless jacket and could have had my pick. Instead I got myself FAP'ed out to the rifle range so I could hide from the career planner until my EAS.

I was very fortunate after I went civilian and can't complain, but some of my buddies that stayed in got some pretty awesome jobs and they've made a real difference. Gunny Stan who got to "go native" for a year in A-Stan and is going back in a few months. Cpt. S who flies CH-53's. Sgt A who did some secret squirrel stuff and now works as a "contractor." They don't make a lot of money but they love what they do.
 
Doing gate duty and confiscating and expired ID card from a 2 star. That started a bunch of crap, but hey, orders are orders. He ranted and raved for a couple minutes and then went to my commander when I basically told him to pound sand (respectfully)

The next day he came back and gave a coin to the guy I had been working with (I was off duty) and told him that he drove an hour out of his way to apologize because we were just following orders.

Another time I had been out with the guys drinking all night and got back just in time for formation. They grabbed me and another guy to go help the MP lock up a dude that was drunk on duty and being an @hole. So there I was, drunk on duty, helping to lock up a guy that was drunk on duty...
 
Last edited:
OK, I'll play - I disabled my jeep with explosives on my first field exercise.

It was a force-on-force training exercise, and I was a brand new platoon leader for a platoon of combat engineers in the 101st Airborne Division, Fort Campbell.

We had the mission to blow a road crater, and I assigned 1st squad to accomplish it. The squad leader called a little later, saying he was all set, except he forgot the detonating wire! Time was ticking by, and the Force Commander (Infantry Colonel) wanted that road crater in now!

I hopped in my jeep, ran down to another squad, grabbed their roll of wire and flew off to 1st squad. As we showed up at the mission site we had about 5 minutes to meet our deadline. I jumped out of the jeep, told my driver to take it down the road, and sprinted to where the squad leader was waiting. We hooked up the wire, reeled it out, and realized there was only about 200 feet of wire on the reel.

Now, realize, we had about 200 pounds of fertilizer primed and ready, and the safety stand-off was a hell of a lot more than 200 feet. But, being mission-oriented (and a dumb-ass newbie lieutenant), I gave the go-ahead and we squeezed the clacker.

BOOM! Immediately, huge blobs of mud and rock came raining down on us! We hugged the trees to avoided getting clobbered.

Finally, it stopped raining mud and we went out to see the result. As I approached the hole, my driver said, "Ah, Sir, you need to see something." I looked over, and just 20 yards from where I jumped out sat my jeep! When I bailed, the driver did too! He never took it down the road.

Sitting on top of the hood of the jeep was a blob of mud and rock the size of a washing machine. The hood was bashed in, the carb was smashed right off the engine. The jeep was dead.

Of course, I figured my first mission in the US Army would also be my last. The Battalion Executive Officer drove up, took one look and said, "Anyone hurt?"

"No Sir"

"Did you learn a lesson here today?"

"Yes Sir"

He told me to get the hell back to my company and he would take care of the jeep. Nothing was ever said about it later, it never effected my appraisal rating, and I stayed another 10 years in the Army before voluntarily leaving during the RIF in 1992.

But I have always been very careful around explosives since.

*
 
I just thought of another one. I was patrolling the base perimeter in a Humvee and I took it through some wooded trails I was unfamiliar with. The trail kept on getting narrower, but there was no possible way to turn around, so I kept on going. Finally I had to push my way through a couple small trees and I wound up in the back yards of the officer's housing area. There was no way to get to the street through the yards, so I had to drive through about 6 backyards before I could get out.

It was a weekend in the summer and everyone was outside sunbathing or barbequing, whatever. I just waved and slowly drove through the yards ignoring the screaming zeros. I got chewed out pretty bad for that one.
 
We all learned a lot in the service. I learned:

1. Never throw a Ground Burst Artillery Simulator under a building.
2. When the DI said those old wooden barracks could burn down in five minutes, he wasn't wrong!
 
One time, I was called into my supervisors office (I was working in a Joint Command for a civilian) and asked to review an OP Plan. I was asked "What flaming f-ing idiot wrote this worthless piece of s--t?" I could hear someone laughing over the speakerphone as my supervisor turned paper white. She drew four stars as the voice from the box said "The MARFORPAC (Marine Forces Pacific) Chief of Staff, that's who. And I'm glad someone agrees with me."
Basically, I had just called a COL(P) a flaming f--king idiot to his face (he was in the room on the other end of call) and been backed up by a four star Admiral.

Probably one reason why I left the Army as a Staff Sergeant. :D

Aloha
 
Skysoldier said:
We all learned a lot in the service. I learned:

1. Never throw a Ground Burst Artillery Simulator under a building.
Click to expand...

I'll add...never step on an Artillery simulator either. It makes a dandy flashbang and can cause a new specialist at PLDC to curse out the Staff Sergeant that threw it. :D

Aloha
 
Not me but my high school buddy, real story, I might have a detail or two wrong:

My really smart high school buddy dropped out of BU engineering due to boredom and when they came after him for his student loans he enlisted in the air force to defer the payments. He took the standard test, scored off the charts and they assigned him to tech school to learn to calibrate B2 electronics. Well he get bored again, and starts (or resumes) smoking dope. They bring drug sniffing dogs through the dorm and bust him cold. He lost a stripe and was assigned 90 duty buffing the dorm floors. Being a really smart guy he comes up with a plan and collects dope stems, seeds and roaches. He them proceeded to grind them up and mix them into the floor wax that he is buffing the dorm floors with. About 4 weeks later they bring the drug dogs back and and they go crazy with the dope mixed into the wax all over the floor. It took them weeks to figure out what happened and could never prove it was him.
 
Back in the mid 80's in Korea. We had just finished a month long joint excersize. The weekend was upon us and we needed a good night out. We got drunk.... very very drunk. Getting back on base wasn't difficult back then, even using public transportation. The bus we were on pulls up to the gate and a US and ROC guard get on the bus and check IDs. I guess in my drunken stupor I didn't like the way the ROC guard was carrying his rifle and proceeded to adjust it for him. I am told he took a few steps back, took his gun off safe and leveled it towards me. I am told that those with me and the US guard intervened and kept me from getting shot.

PS. even though Soju comes in beer size bottles, it varies from 40-90 proof, depending on maker and shouldn't be drank at the same rate as beer :-D
 
I locked up a Division CSM at the position of attention. Bad move when my CO and I were both CPTs and his boss was a MG. I was never a prick officer, and began my career as an enlisted soldier, but the CSM was f*cking with my guys and I just couldn't have that.

After spending 12 months in western Iraq (Al Anbar), then getting extended and sent to Baghdad for what ended up being another 4 months, we had been in country a while and it showed. Especially our uniforms. Although still servicable due to handstitching all the rips and tears, they were faded, and stained. We had just spent roughly 36 hours outside the wire and were returning to BIAP for fuel and chow, then heading back out again. Anyone who has worn body armor in the desert knows that when it comes off, the shirt underneath is drenched with sweat. My guys washed up the best they could, hands and faces and went off to the chow hall. As I walk up, they're walking out. The CSM that showed up 2 weeks before told them that they were a disgrace and he wouldn't allow them to eat. I went in to talk to him and he started ripping in to me as well. I politely asked him if we could talk out of sight. When we were behind the corner I started getting a lecture about military professionalism while he yelled in my face. Thats when I locked him up and asked him to remember his military professionalism. I told him my soldiers will be going through his chow hall and then took my name tape off my PC and handed it to him. Asked him to spell my name correctly if he planned on doing anything. We ate and left. The next day, I was standing infront of my BN CO (LTC) after he got his ass handed to him by a 2-star. Not pretty. Funny thing though, our own CSM actually shook my hand afterwards and told me that I did the right thing and that the Division CSM was always a prick.
 
my first MOS in the Army was 63J (maint), so all the cooks, clerks, mechanics, supply (HHC folks) stayed in one wing of the barracks. we called our wing the ghetto. every weekend, we'd play dominoes, bbq ect.. shoot hoops out back.

so one weekend we were doing the normal stuff.. so i dare my buddy that he won't run past the CQ naked with just a ski mask. he said he'd do it if i did. [laugh]

within a few days, we were known as the knight riders! after a few weeks, even the females started knight riding! [rofl] it got to point were other people were tried of seeing our butts running through the hall ways.

it was freakin halarious! if someone yelled KNIGHT RIDER everyones door would open up [rofl][rofl] at least two thirds of our hallway (the ghetto) did it at one point or another.

eventually it got out of hand and our 1SG put a stop to it.
 
I got caught making apple hooch in Saudi. My platoon Sgt found our first batch by trying to wash his hands in it. He was fine with it and had a couple of tastes. The LT found a water jug we were washing out after the third or fourth batch. It smelled like apples but was just dirty water by the time he got to it. The captain called everyone in the motor pool in for a little talk one at a time. Me and one other guy took the blame (rightfully so) and denied anyone else had any knowledge of it. Since they didn’t know about the other batches and we didn’t make them spend a lot of time figuring out who made it they gave us KP for a week and that was the last we heard on the subject. We didn’t even get a counseling statement which I thought was mighty generous of them.

Homemade hooch at the time was a pretty big issue so that was the one that could have gotten me in the most trouble.
 
Rockrivr1 said:
Lost my concentration working the flight deck after pulling a 16 hour very active shift. Never noticed the F-4 turning away from me. That is until I was in the wash, flying off my feet and tumbling half way down the deck. [thinking] Luckily I just got banged up with more then a few scrapes and bruises. Of course my shipmates never let me live it down.
Click to expand...

Similar thing happened to me.

When a 53 is coming to land and they tell you clear the flight deck, clear the flight deck. I was moseying off when that beast was landing and it picked up some piece of fod and flung into the back of my cranial. I face planted on the deck, and the rear piece of cranial was shattered, but held together with the reflective tape. I don't know what it was, but it hurt.
 
Did I ever tell you guy's this story?

The Lieutenant and the swagger stick.


Back in 1973 I was stationed at Fort Meade, Maryland. I was in a casual company, waiting for a Medical Discharge from the Army.

We had this dumb assed 2LT who was the XO of our company.

He was a dumb college kid, and had never been in combat.

He walked into the orderly room one morning before formation carrying a swagger stick.

One of the company clerks asked him, "What the hell is that?"

"It's a swagger stick." the LT said. "Haven't you ever seen one before? My Father sent it to me. Check it out, it's made of Brass and this tip is made of Ivory!"

I looked at him and said, "Nice phallus Sir!"

"What?" he asked.

"Phallus Sir, that's what the French call a swagger stick."

"I never studied French," he said.

He walked into his office and the company clerk and I started laughing.

The next morning he came into the orderly room wearing sunglasses.

"Good Morning LT Spears!" I said.

He looked at me and said, "F*** You Sergeant!" He stormed into his office and slammed the door.

Right behind him was the Company Commander. " SGT ROWLAND!.....IN MY OFFICE, NOW!"

I marched into his office and stood at attention. "SIR, SGT ROWLAND REPORTING!"

"SGT Rowland, did you tell LT Spears that a swagger stick was called a Phallus?"

"Ahhhh...Yes sir, I did. But it was just a joke Sir."

The Captain looked at me and started laughing his ass off.....he almost fell out of his chair laughing.

It seems that the night before, he and the LT stopped off at the officers club. The LT went up to a Majors wife and said, "Would you like to see my new Phallus Ma'm, it has an ivory tip!"

The Major punched him out and gave him a black eye!
 

Similar threads

What did you carry?
Replies
18
Views
401
mpd61
mpd61
If you are feeling low
Replies
0
Views
221
CoastieRon
CoastieRon
56 years ago the TET-68 Offensive kicked off
Replies
7
Views
367
M60
M60
The Last Marauder has gone home. RIP
Replies
7
Views
397
greencobra
greencobra
VA Dental thread..."You didn't register"
Replies
17
Views
735
M60
M60
Back
Top Bottom