Life is about passion and fear. Your goals and success depend solely on those two driving forces in your life.
I'm writing this sitting at baystate children's operating waiting room. I've probably lost 15 lbs this evening so far between stress and tears. I'm sharing this because I need to, and I feel protected because I hardly know any of you. This story starts at 4 am yesterday, and also about 6 years ago. Currently, approximately one hour from now I hope and expect this to be happily resolved. But as for my current feelings....I'm a wreck
Approximately 6 years ago, understand my head is like scrambled eggs with dates, my middle son Morgan passed late February just before his second birthday. I wake everyday to a family less one. Go to bed in the same fashion, and of course spend every holiday less one loved child.
Most of my friends are unaware of this. When my son passed, most of them disappeared. I'm quite sure out of fear. You see these events in the news, become desensitized, and its not really real. It is however different for me. Most people live in ignorant bliss. They enjoy their freedom I have lost. So driven by confrontation, they flee.
I love kids. Always wanted a lot. Out of fear i had no more. So I've only had my older son who turns 12 in nay and my stepson who is 18.
We were scared to have another. After tears passed, My wife and I knew we had to. Had to have one more. Would never forgive myself for never having another, my passion outweighed my fear. But understand, I had a stronger fear than most of you fortunately have never felt.
When my son unexpectedly died, we were broke and had nothing. Rather than the death I craved, I accepted the fact that I must endure this for my family, and give my wife and son a good comfortable life. I busted my ass 16 hours + a day to make that a reality.
That I have done. My wife no longer works, and the business I started with a hair brained idea with $10 to my name in 2007 has been incredibly fortunate and successful. We have closed my wife's law practice currently.
So back to now. 430 am yesterday my 6 month old son has a tummy ache. The same son that on my "weak" nights I spend time with while he sleeps so I can hear him breathe, and feel his chest rise and lower breathing life. Not something I take for granted. Since 430 , All day ge throws up, and diahreah. No red flags until a diaper full of blood at 5.
Quick trip to local emergency room, followed by an ambulance ride with my son on a stretcher hooked up to tubes and monitors to bay state. Scary to see. He has been under the knife since two in the room receiving an emergency operation. The tears don't stop.
My fear was bringing a defenseless baby into the world who can not fend for himself, and living with fear of a tragedy until he was big enough to be strong on his own. Safe on his own. My greatest fears became reality tonight. Looks like he's gonna pull through though.
Due to these experiences I have led a different life. Because I do not worry or sweat the little stuff. Money, cars, home, minor everyday disasters I shrug off. They do not matter. I am somehow full of passion and I have followed it truly. I seek out whatever I choose. Backed by a fear of hardly nothing that I encounter on a normal day I have always felt unstoppable.
As far as nes and the 2a are considered. I am not afraid to resist, to stand up for my rights. I care about them passionately as do many of you. But I lack fear. I call my reps, I call the senators, I call our useless governer. I attend the rally's. I make my voice heard and they know who I am.
do not hide because you own guns or have beliefs. Theyve been attempting to force us into hiding for years. Everyday citizens are only accustomed to seeing guns on cops, or in the hands of criminals. Coincidence? Nope.
I am about 25 minutes now from hopefully hugging and kissing my son. Every second feels like a decade. It shouldn't be long now.
Please. Find it in you to live like I do. Take risks and kick down doors to improve or maintain a good life for your family. There is a fine delicate line separating life and death.
I look forward to hopefully updating this shortly from now. I love my son dearly. And these doctors seem confident and experienced.
Please do not beat me up regarding this post. Please be considerate. This has helped me kill an hour that felt like a month
I'm writing this sitting at baystate children's operating waiting room. I've probably lost 15 lbs this evening so far between stress and tears. I'm sharing this because I need to, and I feel protected because I hardly know any of you. This story starts at 4 am yesterday, and also about 6 years ago. Currently, approximately one hour from now I hope and expect this to be happily resolved. But as for my current feelings....I'm a wreck
Approximately 6 years ago, understand my head is like scrambled eggs with dates, my middle son Morgan passed late February just before his second birthday. I wake everyday to a family less one. Go to bed in the same fashion, and of course spend every holiday less one loved child.
Most of my friends are unaware of this. When my son passed, most of them disappeared. I'm quite sure out of fear. You see these events in the news, become desensitized, and its not really real. It is however different for me. Most people live in ignorant bliss. They enjoy their freedom I have lost. So driven by confrontation, they flee.
I love kids. Always wanted a lot. Out of fear i had no more. So I've only had my older son who turns 12 in nay and my stepson who is 18.
We were scared to have another. After tears passed, My wife and I knew we had to. Had to have one more. Would never forgive myself for never having another, my passion outweighed my fear. But understand, I had a stronger fear than most of you fortunately have never felt.
When my son unexpectedly died, we were broke and had nothing. Rather than the death I craved, I accepted the fact that I must endure this for my family, and give my wife and son a good comfortable life. I busted my ass 16 hours + a day to make that a reality.
That I have done. My wife no longer works, and the business I started with a hair brained idea with $10 to my name in 2007 has been incredibly fortunate and successful. We have closed my wife's law practice currently.
So back to now. 430 am yesterday my 6 month old son has a tummy ache. The same son that on my "weak" nights I spend time with while he sleeps so I can hear him breathe, and feel his chest rise and lower breathing life. Not something I take for granted. Since 430 , All day ge throws up, and diahreah. No red flags until a diaper full of blood at 5.
Quick trip to local emergency room, followed by an ambulance ride with my son on a stretcher hooked up to tubes and monitors to bay state. Scary to see. He has been under the knife since two in the room receiving an emergency operation. The tears don't stop.
My fear was bringing a defenseless baby into the world who can not fend for himself, and living with fear of a tragedy until he was big enough to be strong on his own. Safe on his own. My greatest fears became reality tonight. Looks like he's gonna pull through though.
Due to these experiences I have led a different life. Because I do not worry or sweat the little stuff. Money, cars, home, minor everyday disasters I shrug off. They do not matter. I am somehow full of passion and I have followed it truly. I seek out whatever I choose. Backed by a fear of hardly nothing that I encounter on a normal day I have always felt unstoppable.
As far as nes and the 2a are considered. I am not afraid to resist, to stand up for my rights. I care about them passionately as do many of you. But I lack fear. I call my reps, I call the senators, I call our useless governer. I attend the rally's. I make my voice heard and they know who I am.
do not hide because you own guns or have beliefs. Theyve been attempting to force us into hiding for years. Everyday citizens are only accustomed to seeing guns on cops, or in the hands of criminals. Coincidence? Nope.
I am about 25 minutes now from hopefully hugging and kissing my son. Every second feels like a decade. It shouldn't be long now.
Please. Find it in you to live like I do. Take risks and kick down doors to improve or maintain a good life for your family. There is a fine delicate line separating life and death.
I look forward to hopefully updating this shortly from now. I love my son dearly. And these doctors seem confident and experienced.
Please do not beat me up regarding this post. Please be considerate. This has helped me kill an hour that felt like a month
![[grin]](/xen/styles/default/xenforo/smilies.vb/041.gif "Grin [grin]")
